Silent sobbing
I wish I didn't have a roommate right now...
I think this hurts a bit worse than the first time
I hope this shower drowns the noise

Disappointments

Our anniversary was shit, meaning we didn't do anything
I had something in mind, but those days were just so stressful what sucked was that it fell on a day before my humanities final. You've visited me several times when I should've been studying why didn't you come this time. I actually waited but nothing. Why do I have to be the one to tell you what to do, can't you get a clue when I've told you to stay away previous times you didn't and this time you listened...why?
x-mas
that sucked too we were with my family, it was ok in the beginning but then idk i'm not as family oriented as i thought i was
new year
long before new year I told you I'd be free to do whatever since my mom had granted me permission i waited for you to suggest we spend it together anywhere but home, you didnt you asked me what i wanted to do, you don't get it to make matters wore you wait new year's eve to ask what to do, really?!?! too late, by then i'm already in shit mood, bummed out and you do nothing, instead you leave you know how my parents are and their early sleeping schedules but you leave nonetheless, i can kinda understand you need to see your family too, especially with all the crap that happened to them but idk couldn't you gone earlier..i'm js but w/e maybe i'm just being selfish
I don't feel like i'm good enough
why can't you...when i want to I waited almost 2 weeks and you knew it because i made damn sure you knew i wanted you do i disgust you? do you not want me anymore? are you bored? did you find someone better? why does your body reject me? I want to cry every single time but my embarrassment and shame are too great.
I violated your privacy when i went through your emails and changed your pws
I know i crossed the line but the last time i tried reading messages you deleted them right in front of me Idk how to feel about what i read first of all i know its before my time, way before my time, but tbh its kinda scary I've become even more aware of how great our age difference is. you're so experienced. i feel like a fool i feel so inexperienced and naive you've already lived, i'm just beginning i dont think we'll ever have what that was, i dont think i can measure up to all the other before (during?) me you were in an adulterous relationship in the back of my mind i can't help but think, once a cheater always a cheater i know this is part of your past and everyone has a past but fuck can you blame me? i have trust issues, and this honestly doesn't help one bit i guess what i'm trying to say is that, i didn't trust you before and now after reading some things i definitely can't i dont feel as special to you anymore, you talk to everyone that way I read some things that make me uncomfortable, even tho you tried explaining i'm afraid to say i don't truly believe you
I'm sorry i made you feel like shit before your birthday
after thinking about us and giving it a second thought, i thought it'd be a good idea to spend the night together before your bday i was actually looking forword to it, and just make up but plans don't always go as planned perhaps you've got better things to do, maybe you'll be hanging out with your friends tonight, or maybe you'll have company w/e it is i hope it's worth it and you have a happy birthday i blame myself for pushing you away and yea it hurts i deserve it this time